If you have ever been in highschool I bet you have mentioned it when referencing being a mom. The funny thing is, being in highschool and the cliques that arise there are only on a small scale, when in reality, being a mom/parent in the real world is much worse.
I have definitely passed judgement on moms and parents as I am fully aware others have passed it on me. I have made leaps and bounds this year in trying to judge less. Of course little ones sneak through the gate. Baby steps.
What is most frustrating in the world of social media & parenting is that it seems those who would not normally vocalize their judgement do so on a regular basis, and those who do vocalize, seem much louder. I would say with almost 100% certainty that if these moms were face to face, the words and judgements would never pass their lips.
The world is a huge place filled with all kinds of people, with all kinds of views. People looking for validation on their choices, but then being reprimanded if it isn't what the majority deems acceptable. Yet if we were in a group who all believed the same things, acted the same, raised our kids the same I'm sure "cult mentality & brainwashed" or similar would be floated around. We live in a world where you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
How boring would the world be if we all acted the same? If we only knew happiness, we couldn't handle sadness. If we only had success, we would never know struggle. If we only had one way, we would never know the privilege of choice.
In the Facebook world, I often see parents post about confessions in parenting.
'Mom confession: My kid kid had kraft dinner for lunch.'
'Confession: My kid watched tv today.'
'Confession: My kid has been wearing disposable diapers all week.'
Well if these are confessions, the church confessional is about to get a huge line up.
The act of confessing is as follows: to acknowledge a fault, crime, misdeed, weakness, etc. by way of revelation.
I can tell you right now with no shame that my kids eat kraft dinner when I don't feel like cooking. My kids watch tv often because I have a 16 month old that still doesn't sleep so I will put it on while I lay on the couch. But I also try to do lots when I can. My youngest who is normally cloth diapered exclusively, wears disposables at night because I can't be bothered to find a good nighttime solution. . Guess what? I also raise my voice at my kids, and choose to go to bed instead of cleaning sometimes.
Well with those "confessions" come the judgements. But they are mostly from those who don't think they are judging at all. And in my own opinion, they are the worst. I will often read:
'My kid only eats organic.'
'I would never use disposables.'
'My child is exclusively breastfed. I would never give my child formula.'
They might not seem like judgements but in the right context, or wrong as the case may be, that's exactly what they are. I can look at each of them as well and feel the judgement being passed. I can't always afford to feed my kid organic, nor would I always choose it. I cloth diaper, but my sister tried on my niece and couldn't because she has skin allergies. I exclusively breastfed my second child but couldn't with my first. She needed to be supplemented. Lucky for me I wasn't aware of the shame that lots associate with formula. I was just keeping my baby healthy.
This post came up in light of Easter being compared to Christmas. I don't buy my kids lots but I would be lying if I didn't say I was shocked to see what people buy for their kids. But it shouldn't matter. They aren't my kids. My not buying lots for my kids doesn't reflect on how they act. Just the same as buying lots doesn't. If buying more things was the cure to my 3 1/2 year olds attitude, I would be first in line at the toy store. But it's not, just like those buying lots would likely return everything if it meant perfectly behaved children.
I think it is highly unlikely these judgements will ever fade. But perhaps as parents we can stop trying to raise others kids by offering our judgements without consideration. I don't know the right way to parent, and neither does anyone else. All we know is how to get through, day after day, keeping our kids as healthy and happy as possible in whatever way that is.
In posting this I know that I have been judged by more than one person reading. But isn't my husband and I doing the best we can for our children all that really matters. To be honest, I don't care what people think about my parenting. It is no one's business but my own. And that's ok with me.
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."-Mother Theresa
-Natalie